Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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