apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
