I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.