the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.