i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?