are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"