Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
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I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
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Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying