oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
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We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....