I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.