cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.