Define "chronic" masturbator.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
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If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
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I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.