But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?