saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
