Who did Billy Mays play for?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
