in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
