2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
