He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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