i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
