I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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