I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
