If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
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I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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