We're facebook friends in real life
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
