i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
