finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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