we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
