i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
