I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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