apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
