You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
