She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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