Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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