I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
