part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
