Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My penis needs a shock collar
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
