can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
