I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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