I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Alive.
So much puke
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
