not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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