I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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