The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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