I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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