You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
