Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
