just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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