so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
