yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
