I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
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Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
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Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize