I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
