I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
