When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
