I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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