i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
