nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
