arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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