Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize