my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
