i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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