I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
