i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
