I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
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i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
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Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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