I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
